My first relationship, my first love, my first heartbreak, my first everything.
What started as an unexpected love ended as an unexpected let's be friends, even though i still continue to be madly in love with you.
This is to my ex who at the time i couldn't say everything i felt in the moment about this process but now have the courage to tell everyone... I thank you.
Weaknesses
I'm rather surprised at how long you dealt with all my shit. I'd like to applaud you for it, you deserve a standing ovation for it. I was not the worst girlfriend, but i wasn't the best, or at least i think the best i could be. I was very insecure with myself, and you fought long and hard to reassure me of my insecurities. But in the end i needed to change my mentality, so don't worry there's no blame on you. You told me countless times how beautiful you thought i was, but i took it into my own hands and told you not to communicate with girls that i didn't like, some would be because they were exes or people you've liked before me. I didn't want them around, i felt as though they were competition. My own mind processed things in our whole relationship differently, whatever you told me just wasn't good enough for my ego. I didn't care that you didn't like those girls anymore because my insecurity convinced me that it could happen again, i know you're not capable of being unfaithful due to your past but i couldn't trust what other people's intentions were around you. My insecurities are not an excuse for my behavior, and they also don't have the right to define me. I repressed a lot of things from myself and from you. I chose to repress my emotions around you and give you the stereotypical, " i'm fine" when i wasn't, i was going through hell but i didn't want to take you down with me. I repressed you from hanging out or talking to those girls or even liking girls photos because i never felt like i was good enough so at any moment if you felt like someone else was prettier or better than me then you could just leave. That was my reality that i faced. I didn't know that at the time when i did those things, said those things that they were harmful, i never meant to purposely harm you, and i hope if anything you can believe that what i'm saying is the truth. I didn't know that i was causing so much useless stress on you for such materialistic views. I wasn't confident throughout most of our relationship and i'm sorry for it. I'm sorry that i caused pointless misunderstandings between us. I'm sorry for the person i was, that is not who i view myself as, and i will never be that version of myself again, even outside of relationships. Trauma and pain were the root to all of my evil doings, i've had help since our relationship that i know moving forward i could be more confident and a lot stronger.
Strengths
The first strength that i had in our relationship was building a foundation of trust when i told him about my sexual abuse. I felt like that moment it was early on in our relationship and it was a cry for help. I wanted to tell him because i loved and trusted him and i felt like it was a good time for me to finally start growing. But i lacked on that growth until later in our relationship. I pride myself on being loyal and compassionate, i spent time on our date journal and did thoughtful things that were meant for our relationship. I loved being able to know that i was a big support for him, i loved that he was creating videos because i knew how genuinely happy it made him feel. And it was a form of expression. I did my best as a partner to love fully and i really felt like i did, i loved regardless of the mistakes i made and that he made. I never gave up on our relationship and always strived to look for solutions when we had rocky moments in our way. I became more confident and our relationship together really made me mature more as a person to find help for myself, the help that i always needed, because now at this point of my life where i've had therapy, i've seen my own growth and i'm so proud of it, i'm a lot stronger and confident and i'd like to personally thank you for pushing me in that direction. I've learned a lot about myself while dating you and as staying as friends with you even though i'm not completely over you. I'm mature enough not to hate you and that is another strength of mine. I love you still as a friend and hope to still be in your life regardless. I want to support you and encourage you in life to keep moving forward and i really believe in you. You're a talented individual and whatever path you decide as your career, i'm sure you're going to strive in it. I always felt a connection with you as a person not solely out of love but as an individual. My love for you still grows, and i will be happy with the decisions you may make for yourself without my constant help, i hope you're happy and proud of yourself as well for taking time for yourself, don't view it as being selfish, it was needed for you and now i respect that decision.
Reflection
I've reflected a lot on myself since our relationship, and i don't regret the period of time that i started to grow in. When you told me that it was the wrong time for me to grow, i felt defeated, you were a big support of mine and i thought if anything you'd understand where i was coming from and what i dealt with. From the self harm and sexual abuse, i slowly grew within our relationship but towards the end it was rapid because things outside of my control were happening. This happened for a reason, i grew more as a person and i couldn't be happier with myself, if i'm not a person you want a chance with again in the future then i hope you can personally grow as well and mature more, this short story was showing my weaknesses and strengths in the relationship, but i'm sure you could also reflect on your weaknesses and strengths as well, and again thank you for all of it.
Short Story by: Yvette Rubio
What started as an unexpected love ended as an unexpected let's be friends, even though i still continue to be madly in love with you.
This is to my ex who at the time i couldn't say everything i felt in the moment about this process but now have the courage to tell everyone... I thank you.
Weaknesses
I'm rather surprised at how long you dealt with all my shit. I'd like to applaud you for it, you deserve a standing ovation for it. I was not the worst girlfriend, but i wasn't the best, or at least i think the best i could be. I was very insecure with myself, and you fought long and hard to reassure me of my insecurities. But in the end i needed to change my mentality, so don't worry there's no blame on you. You told me countless times how beautiful you thought i was, but i took it into my own hands and told you not to communicate with girls that i didn't like, some would be because they were exes or people you've liked before me. I didn't want them around, i felt as though they were competition. My own mind processed things in our whole relationship differently, whatever you told me just wasn't good enough for my ego. I didn't care that you didn't like those girls anymore because my insecurity convinced me that it could happen again, i know you're not capable of being unfaithful due to your past but i couldn't trust what other people's intentions were around you. My insecurities are not an excuse for my behavior, and they also don't have the right to define me. I repressed a lot of things from myself and from you. I chose to repress my emotions around you and give you the stereotypical, " i'm fine" when i wasn't, i was going through hell but i didn't want to take you down with me. I repressed you from hanging out or talking to those girls or even liking girls photos because i never felt like i was good enough so at any moment if you felt like someone else was prettier or better than me then you could just leave. That was my reality that i faced. I didn't know that at the time when i did those things, said those things that they were harmful, i never meant to purposely harm you, and i hope if anything you can believe that what i'm saying is the truth. I didn't know that i was causing so much useless stress on you for such materialistic views. I wasn't confident throughout most of our relationship and i'm sorry for it. I'm sorry that i caused pointless misunderstandings between us. I'm sorry for the person i was, that is not who i view myself as, and i will never be that version of myself again, even outside of relationships. Trauma and pain were the root to all of my evil doings, i've had help since our relationship that i know moving forward i could be more confident and a lot stronger.
Strengths
The first strength that i had in our relationship was building a foundation of trust when i told him about my sexual abuse. I felt like that moment it was early on in our relationship and it was a cry for help. I wanted to tell him because i loved and trusted him and i felt like it was a good time for me to finally start growing. But i lacked on that growth until later in our relationship. I pride myself on being loyal and compassionate, i spent time on our date journal and did thoughtful things that were meant for our relationship. I loved being able to know that i was a big support for him, i loved that he was creating videos because i knew how genuinely happy it made him feel. And it was a form of expression. I did my best as a partner to love fully and i really felt like i did, i loved regardless of the mistakes i made and that he made. I never gave up on our relationship and always strived to look for solutions when we had rocky moments in our way. I became more confident and our relationship together really made me mature more as a person to find help for myself, the help that i always needed, because now at this point of my life where i've had therapy, i've seen my own growth and i'm so proud of it, i'm a lot stronger and confident and i'd like to personally thank you for pushing me in that direction. I've learned a lot about myself while dating you and as staying as friends with you even though i'm not completely over you. I'm mature enough not to hate you and that is another strength of mine. I love you still as a friend and hope to still be in your life regardless. I want to support you and encourage you in life to keep moving forward and i really believe in you. You're a talented individual and whatever path you decide as your career, i'm sure you're going to strive in it. I always felt a connection with you as a person not solely out of love but as an individual. My love for you still grows, and i will be happy with the decisions you may make for yourself without my constant help, i hope you're happy and proud of yourself as well for taking time for yourself, don't view it as being selfish, it was needed for you and now i respect that decision.
Reflection
I've reflected a lot on myself since our relationship, and i don't regret the period of time that i started to grow in. When you told me that it was the wrong time for me to grow, i felt defeated, you were a big support of mine and i thought if anything you'd understand where i was coming from and what i dealt with. From the self harm and sexual abuse, i slowly grew within our relationship but towards the end it was rapid because things outside of my control were happening. This happened for a reason, i grew more as a person and i couldn't be happier with myself, if i'm not a person you want a chance with again in the future then i hope you can personally grow as well and mature more, this short story was showing my weaknesses and strengths in the relationship, but i'm sure you could also reflect on your weaknesses and strengths as well, and again thank you for all of it.
Short Story by: Yvette Rubio
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