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This Year has Changed Me for the Better

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This year has been a rollercoaster ride for me. Everything has happened at a fast pace for me but i think time was really trying to tell me something... the time was always there when i needed it to be in terms of wanting to find the best moment in life to tell my parents of what had happened to me. But this time, time itself had other plans and my first health counselor had told me " there's never a right time" and he was right, there was never going to be this moment in my life where everything would go smoothly and i think that's why it had to happen this way. It was unexpected to me but this whole experience was very unexpecting to my parents. I've learned from this that i kept a lot to myself and it not only hurt me but it ended up really damaging my parents as well because i wasn't as honest as i'd like to be. Of course i never knew exactly how to tell them and what to really tell them.. i never found that right moment but i also didn't want to keep this secret of sexual abuse for a very long time either, my goal plan was to at least try to convince myself to tell them within this year, and it did happen, just not the way i imagined it would. But life throws curveballs all the time and although what i imagined didn't come true, it was time for this moment to finally shine and come out on its own. I wasn't the one in control of it anymore, my mom was actually the one in control, she came to me and asked whats wrong.. she is the reason why i'm even writing about this now, she's been a big influence in my life overall of course, she's my mother and i love her but this time she's been such a big part of my own personal journey, she's someone who reached out to me and made me want to finally just say it to move on ahead in my life. So much has changed and happened recently. My final for my art class ended up being my favorite part of the class.. i expressed my journey and my mental health struggle with the class, even though i didn't need to at all. I could've just given a random explanation for my art piece but i knew i had an idea in mind of what i wanted to create and what i wanted to say about it, i wanted people to be aware that this is common among people that they may come across in life with. I wanted to let people know that it's okay to talk to someone especially when we have a free resource at school, and it made me feel so delighted in the end. I was really scared in the moment to just share a lot about myself to strangers in my class, but this class has been a lot different already in terms of expression that i felt as though no one would really end up minding it, plus i made a comment in the beginning saying that i was going to open up about something serious. The effect that it had on people is what wowed me, my own classmates told me that they experienced issues with self harm as well.. and of course realistically you would think that it could be common but in the moment you feel alone and think i'm the only one that goes through this battle... which is a really selfish viewpoint. Hearing other people speak up about their own experiences really helped and humbled me. I got questions asked about our health services building and many people weren't even aware that our health counseling sessions were free, well technically they're included in a health fee but in a way it's free, you paid for that fee and you can take advantage of the services before it's too late... i still wish i would've gone sooner, maybe the first year at college i should've gone once just to see what it's like. But i was blown away with how accepting people were about my little presentation, it meant a lot and i wasn't trying to gain attention or sympathy from it, i was just trying to be direct and informative with my presentation and i hope people really take the advice into their own hands and go talk to a professional for anything they may be going through, i let them know that it didn't have to be something as serious as mine.. everyone has their own personal struggles and every detail is valid to that person. I'd like to finish this off by saying that i'm honestly really excited to see what life has in store for me now, i've been able to reflect on my decisions that i've made this past year and i've grown and it's been a hard process for me but i'm still doing pretty well right now and i still have my moments just like anyone else would but i don't know what would happen if i didn't make this blog and didn't write any posts... maybe i would've resorted to self harm again or maybe i'd find a different hobby, who knows? All i know is that i'm proud of myself for once on sticking on something that could really help me later on in life.

*Note* not my original photo .... a good year

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