Coping Thoughts #2

I needed to write tonight... i went into a crying fit for the past hour because i've had some memories resurface about my previous relationship. I'm still healing so this feeling of pain is still very present and i'm just trying to get better, tomorrow it'll be easier for me at least because i'll be in school and be able to distract myself.. and that's usually what happens, throughout the weekdays i can focus on myself but by the weekend sometimes i can be really good and other times i can be really bad. I don't feel like cutting but i just feel a sharp pain in my chest because i'm still grasping the concept that it's over. I love this person and i really care about him so that's why i want to give him a chance away from me... well technically he initiated that but i'm trying my hardest to follow it now instead of questioning it and arguing about it, even though i still have so many questions about him and about myself. He doesn't like when i blame myself, but in this situation where someone tells you they don't love you anymore i feel like complete shit and i'm crying right now thinking of how many things went wrong with me and i can't help but think was this all because of me? was i the one to initiate this to happen? was it destined that we wouldn't work out so that i would have to really take care of myself?... my mind is racing with so many thoughts... i feel drained, i almost feel like a zombie just writing out anything i can write right now. There's so many things i'd love to say to my ex to let him know that i never wanted to cause him harm in any form. I still love him very dearly and i know sooner or later i'm going to have to stop this love for him... this emotional love for him and soon love him as just a friend, it's something that he wants and i should respect it without questioning it but it's hard not to when there's so much blanks that are not filled. I guess that's just my thought process. I want to end this post here because at this point i'm feeling better and i'm not crying anymore, so thank you to whoever gets a chance at reading this shorter post.

*Note* Not my original art work: Sadness Painting

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