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Coping Thoughts #1

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I wanted to do a post right now at this moment to stop me from having the impulse to cut. Because i know how my mind works and how much i can pressure myself to do stupid things that i end up regretting. This post is just really meant for me to do for myself and it might not all make sense in the end but i don't care because i just need to do something to get my mind off of an impulse that i have whenever i'm in these situations. It's hard to break a bad habit... so for me to do this i really just want to have a nice time just typing this out freely. I made this as a first post because i might end up doing this with other instances because when i feel certain feelings of frustration and sadness writing has been my coping mechanism that has changed me for the better... it's improved my overall well being and health. I've been both more honest and brutal with myself through this process because it's forced me to really spill out my feelings and thoughts.. when most of the time i just want to hide and shelter those same feelings so no one has to see this side of me in which most of the time i think is so upsetting. 
I've gone through some bullshit recently and i'm angered and really sad because of it. I felt like everything i ever knew just washed away in front of me. I can't really come to terms of what just happened and i really need some time for myself now, more than ever... because my heart really needs deep healing. I'm so young... i've matured quicker than others.. and i'm still finding myself in horrible situations that i really wish didn't have to happen to me but i guess that's just life for you. You can be the best version of yourself and it may not end out well for you. It sounds like i have no hope right now.. but i do in the back of my mind. I just need to take some time and really reflect on myself and how i feel about all of this. Right now i don't feel great, but writing about this has calmed me down a bit... because a couple of minutes ago i was crying so much so now i'm feeling more rested after typing. Again it may not all make sense.. but right now i just am doing whatever i need to do for myself. I'm finally putting myself first before others. I'm speechless of how long it took me to really look after myself... how am i supposed to help others, when i neglect myself? It's really daunting. Right now i have tears in my eyes but they aren't coming out yet. I'm just an emotional person... i'm very empathetic and i need to find my own boundaries in life so that i can take care of my own well being first. I think i should be done with this post now because i do feel better from it now.. i'm starting to gain a sense of relaxation so i think i'll just end it here. Thank you to anyone who happens to view this. I'll be making a post sometime this weekend. Happy 4th of July. 
* Note* : not my original artwork ... depression 

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